Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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