My hand turned me down
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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