my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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