I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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