pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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