Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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