Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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