guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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