so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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