My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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