It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize