Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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