you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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