Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize