Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm having to shit out rocks
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