How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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