Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize