i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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