It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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