I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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