i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize