"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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