Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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