hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize