I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize