Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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