Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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