All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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