He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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