i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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