My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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