Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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