I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize