I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize