I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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