We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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