I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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