Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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