Will you blow on my dice?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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