Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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