So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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