i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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