eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize