So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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