Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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