I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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