Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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