Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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