Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize