Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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